I just finished up a journal that I started back on 11/14/08. I use these 300 page books so they last quite a while. Plus there were periods when I just did not write much. So this one journal has spanned almost 20 months.
WOW! What a difference those 20 months have made.
I was deep in depression when I started writing; very deep. I knew it too but we had not yet found a medicine combo that was working. I saw the rehab psychiatrist for the first time 12/02/08 which is when my life started its slow climb out of a deep pit!
Looking back, it is interesting to see how the changes picked up speed as I went along. So switching analogies here: the change was more like a snow ball rolling down hill gaining speed and building in size as it goes so it covers more and more territory in faster amounts of time. Essentially I am saying that the healing and adjustment built on itself.
As you know, I am not done yet. It seems to be an analogy sort of night for me because as I wrote that sentence the image and phrase came to me that I am not out of the trees yet. I know when I went through another very difficult multi-year period in my life, when I was a lot younger, the process truly felt like a journey. I had not thought about the comparison until just now.
The thing is that with that process it never picked up speed, exponential growth, like it has with the TBI healing.
But anyway, back in the other process, for a long time I just felt like I was in a long dark, narrow, damp tunnel that went on and on. Then I would see light at the end of the tunnel but it was usually an oncoming train! It was a long time before I could see a dim light that really was the end of the tunnel. I exited out onto a heavily forested path that was nearly as dark and dense as the tunnel. As I worked on myself and my healing the trees began to thin. Eventually I walked out onto an open land that was a hill top or mesa that over looked a lush green valley. I could clearly see the path laid out before me going down into the valley into my new and happier life.
So as to healing from the TBI and moving into my next chapter of my life, I am still in the trees. I have not come to the open space and therefore I cannot see my path down to a lush green valley . . . but I am going to get there yet!
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