It’s just an Engineering Problem

In Productivity by Emerson Jane BrowneLeave a Comment

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I never know quite what to say to people when they ask me how I am doing; especially if they do not know that I have a brain injury.  

The reality is that I am doing great!  Largely because I finally have the correct diagnosis and am getting the help I need. 

I am sure it is confusing to people.  For the previous six years I told people I was fine, or good, or even great.  But in reality I was falling apart and did not know why.  As I have written about in other posts I was caught in old patterns of needing to appear strong and together; of feeling that if I couldn’t clearly explain the problem then I shouldn’t say anything until I could (which of course that thinking is a black hole if it is the brain itself that is injured); of being prideful; and of fearing no one would like me if I showed vulnerability.  (Yes, I know I got that very wrong!)

So, for six years I was telling people I was fine when I wasn’t.  Now, I am telling them that I have a brain injury but things are good!

Here is the explanation.  Now since I know what is wrong I can approach it logically.  It is just an engineering problem.  I have to explore and discover exactly what is not working, develop compensatory techniques, and work towards rebuilding a working system.  

The relief I feel at finally being able to get out of the quicksand I have been sinking in for six years is tremendous.  In addition, I have a great team helping me at Harborview Medical Center.  Somedays I have 5 appointments!  Each with a different member of the team.  I am looking at this as an intensive.  I am finally where I need to be.  I am finally getting help I am responding to.  I have to meet with all these caregivers and work hard on all of this for a number of months and then I can exit that clinic and pick back up a more normal life; far more normal than I have had for the last 6 years.

Emerson Jane Browne

I am Emerson Jane Browne. I write about Brains, Apps, & Productivity, and many other aspects of Life. I speak to TBI support groups, speak and teach workshops at tech, music, and writer conferences. I consult with organizations on strategic planning and building a strong community.