I would not wish a brain injury on anyone – but it is probably one of the best thing that has ever happened to me because I would not be here where I am right now without having been there – there in the dark abyss of the brain injury.
What I mean is that I am happy where I am and where I am going. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming. It is not that I am entirely free of difficulties due to the brain injury but they are more part of me now and I just flow with them – or at least try to.
This morning I wrote a long email to a brain injured friend who is having a hard time and I said “Hang in there. You will get through this. And there is sunlight on the other side. You will not only survive, you will thrive. I promise. And I know, because I am ahead of you. What I am doing is trying to take some of the sunlight and shine it back to you to help light your way.”
I have this thing that goes on with me that when my subconscious – or my guiding force – is trying to tell me something, it hooks onto a phrase or part of a song and won’t let go. For days the line “If I should cross the water” has been haunting me. It is from a song by Cindy Kallet called Cross the Water on a CD of the same title.
The idea of “Crossing the Water” has a lot of meaning for me. It speaks to me especially now because I am “crossing the water” – leaving behind a lot of old baggage and beliefs – and allowing a new me and a new chapter of my life to unfold on the other side.
Also, in the I Ching – The Chinese Book of Changes – “It furthers one to cross the great water” is a key phrase. Its meaning varies slightly based on the context of the Ching it is in, but it essentially means taking on a difficult endeavor and persevering through doubt, difficulty, and adversity.
Am I to the other side? No, not yet. But I have left the shore. I am in the crossing and I can see the other side – not clearly but I know I am drawing near. . . . I folk-processed Cindy’s song and added a last verse.
If I should cross the water with faith and loving friends,
And share the load and sail to shore to the place where journey ends;
If I should cross the water in word and song and deed
Oh If I should cross the water, Oh, if I should cross the water,
Me –I will be.