I just realized something.
I am more me than ever before!
I really have a “Damn the torpedoes!”* attitude about life now.
I am not holding back.
I am not trying to play it small anymore.
This realization just hit me as I sent an email off to a bunch of members on the TBI Survivors Network. The topic of having a face to face get-together for network members had come up on the Sunday night chat.
I emailed the network founder, Craig, and asked if there were any plans for something. Craig had simply replied: “don’t have anything like that planned i am game for anything that will further the cause of our brain injury community so tell me more what do you have in mind” I whipped off a long email, ccing the others who had been on the Sunday chat, and detailed my ideas for getting the word out about the network and then that we could think about having a conference.
As I hit “Send” there was a brief twinge of worrying I was being too “Out There” but I quickly let it go. This is who I am. This is what I have to offer. And thankfully, the TBI Survivors Network is one place that I know I am and will be accepted.
It is interesting that it took having a brain injury to finally free me up! Well, actually it is not so much having the brain injury as it is having been undiagnosed for 7 years. My “putting on a good face”, telling people I was fine when I was anything but fine, trying to show the person I thought people wanted to see, did not serve me well. In fact, it sent me into a deep pit from which I feared I would never be able to escape. It put me through hell.
But once I was diagnosed correctly and got help I was able to get out of the pit. I am still finding my way but I am embracing my life! I am embracing the me that I am now and also the me that I have always been capable of being but was afraid to show.
I am a dynamo! It is the cloth I am made of. Yes, because of the brain injury I am a dynamo that is more like the Energizer Bunny now; I fall over when my batteries run out. But after a good recharge session I can go strong again.
Marianne Williamson wrote a beautiful piece addressing Not Playing It Small. I have had it up on my wall for years. But until now, until this brain injury woke me up, I was never able to take the right action to free myself and let my light shine!
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone,
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (This quote is often incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela.)
* American naval officer David Farragut is remembered for his Civil War victory at Mobile Bay and his rallying cry, “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!” Farragut was a lifelong sailor, a boy-veteran of the War of 1812 and a career naval officer. During the Mobile Bay battle, one of Farragut’s lead ships struck a mine — then called a torpedo — and sank, causing confusion among Union sailors. To rally them to order, Farragut shouted to his flag captain, “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead, Drayton!” and proceeded to sail through the minefield and on to victory.
