I was hoping to break the dry spell today because I have a lot of thoughts I would like to blog about; but the words are not flowing out on the page easily and I do not have the necessary hours needed to craft the jumbled syllables into the semblance of a good post.
Maybe the words are just not ready to come out yet.
Maybe it is not time.
I mean that on a few levels. The first level is that I do not have the required time available. When I post a blog entry I usually have spent a number of hours writing and rewriting the piece. Not having the hours available to give to the project is a large part of what has induced my blogging silence.
There are just not enough hours in the day! I recently moved and am still working on getting settled. I am working with the Division of Voc Rehab to start a business narrating audiobooks. And I also just started a Certificate in Nonfiction Writing program at the University of Washington. Multiply all that by the fact that post TBI everything I do takes three times as long as it used to and it is clear why I have not been able to make time to blog.
The second way in which I mean “Maybe its not time” has to do with the percolating factor. I don’t think the thoughts have percolated fully. They are not ready to be poured out.
I have started back at CORP-TBI at Harborview. My rehab was interrupted last year by the need for me to go back east to help my Mom. The seven months I spent with her in Ohio and Florida were useful. I feel I solidified some of the skills I received from my first stint at CORP. I am further up on the spiral of healing but have come around to needing help on a new level.
My medications needed to be “tweaked” to find a successful combination again. The combo I had been taking was no longer working well and I had been struggling with depression for most of the summer. (I have explained in much earlier posts that I had unrelenting, unresponsive depression due to the TBI. The depression was finally brought under control when the brain injury was diagnosed correctly. But I lost a few years!)
The “tweaks” are working and I am doing much better now, but I mention the summer’s depression because it put such a damper on my writing. Heck! The depression put a damper on everything! It is why I am only now getting unpacked!
I am also mentioning the summer’s depression because I am going to post a poem that I wrote back in the thick of it. I am going to back date it to July 3rd, the day I wrote it. However anyone who is subscribed to this blog will receive it tomorrow along with this post.
Brain injuries take; but they also give. I call the gifts Silver Linings. One of the biggest silver linings for me is that I have been given the opportunity to recreate myself. As hard as that is, as little choice as I had in the matter, it is still a huge gift.
The key is that I am getting some stellar assistance in my re-creation. As part of my rehab at CORP I am seeing a psychology resident who is just great!! She is helping me chart a very different course in this new life. She is giving me new tools with which to sail by. My parents were not given good tools in their own childhoods and therefore did not have many to pass on to me.
I don’t feel ready to write about the differences in the new life I am creating. I proved that to myself when I tried to write about them earlier today. The thoughts, feelings, and changes have not percolated to the point of a fine, rich brew ready to share.
Soon, I hope; soon.
