Dancing Upside Down

Satirical Twitter site: BPGlobalPR

A Twitter user with an account dubbed BPGlobalPR is posting satirical entries about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico — and has many more followers as BP America’s actual account.  Can you call this "Black Humor"? 

Here are some of the tweets.

Doing our best to turn oil into oilinade. So far the stuff tastes TERRIBLE.

If we had a dollar for every complaint about this oil spill, it wouldn't compare to our current fortune. Oil is a lucrative industry!

Try our cap operation at home! Hold a funnel over a firehose, sell what you catch and proclaim victory! #bpwins

We're collecting 10,000 barrels a day! Unlike last week, 10,000 barrels is a huge amount of oil! #bpmath

Any laborers who feel nostalgic for black lung can help us pretend to clean! Relive history for $10/hr! #bpcares

The good news: Mermaids are real. The bad news: They are now extinct.  #bpcares

Proud to announce that BP will be sponsoring the New Orleans Blues Festival this summer w/ special tribute to Muddy Waters. #bpcares

The ocean looks just a bit slimmer today. Dressing it in black really did the trick! #bpcares

A lot of people are asking if we could have prevented this mess. Honestly, we have no clue. Our hindsight is 20/80. #bpcares

Of course, bp cares about the fishing industry as well. Now, all tuna from the gulf coast comes pre-packaged in oil. #you'rewelcome #yum

We've created something that will affect your children's children. Can YOU say the same about YOUR life? #nailedit #bpcares

@bpTerry just asked a scientist why there are so many crows in the south. Turns out they are seagulls. It was AWKWARD. #bpcares

Sarah Palin keeps sending us cutesy Evites to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Even we are disturbed. #bpcares

KFC now offering the Top Kill sandwich! Bacon. Cheese. Mud. Sandwiched between two oily chicken slabs served on a plate of shame #bpcares

As part of our continued re-branding effort, we are now referring to the spill as "Shell Oil's Gulf Coast Disaster". #bpcares

If we're being accused of being criminals, we want to be tried by a jury of our peers- wealthy execs who don't give a damn. #fairisfair

We've modestly made modest changes to this modest gulf. This modest incident will blow over and you'll forget how modest we were. #MODEST

It's hurricane season now. Don't worry! We've planned for that just as well as we've planned for everything else! #bpcares

Words can not express how sorry we are. So we are going to stop apologizing and just give our investors 10 billion dollars.

Safety is our primary concern. Well, profits, then safety. Oh, no- profits, image, then safety, but still- it's right up there.

How to Clean the Inside of your Monitor Screen

Have you ever noticed how dirty your monitor’s screen gets?  And sometimes, you just can’t help but realize that much of that crap is actually on the INSIDE! 

Well, finally, help is available to correct this unsightly problem. Follow this link.  Screen Cleaner It works for laptops too.  Did quite a job on mine. 

Please note:  I do not receive any benefit for directing people to the site nor any financial gain from the product.  I just think this is awesome and want people to know about it!!

Please also note:  I sometimes write with my tongue placed firmly in my cheek.  Follow the link above even if you think the inside of your computer screen is just fine.  You will be glad you did.

Andy Rooney on Women over 50

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are

just a few reasons why ……

An over 50 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to
ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If an over 50 woman doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it’s
usually something more interesting.

An over 50 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she
is, what she is, what she wants, and from whom. Few women past the age
of 50 give a darn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

An over 50 woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful
relationships” and “commitment.” The last thing she wants in her life
is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover.

Over 50 women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of
course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they
think they can get away with it.

Over 50 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know
what it’s like to be unappreciated.

An over 50 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. A woman
over 50 woman couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends
because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to
an over 50 woman. They always already know.

Over 50 women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off
that you’re a jerk if you’re acting like one. You don’t ever have to
wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise over 50 women for a
multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,
well-coifed, hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in
yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.” —— Andy Rooney

On the email I received, this was added:

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Here's an update for you.
"Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"

Headaches!

I am on day 5 or 6 of a head ache that will just not go away!  So this morning when I was skating around on the web (because I was feeling too lousy to really concentrate on anything) I came across a new sketch by Jeff Gregory at Jagged Smile. It seemed to fit!

And then one day it happened. In a single instant, all the doctors’ theories about the cause of Mel’s headaches were proven wrong.

Footnotes:

1. The is cartoon entitled "Blaah"  by Jeff Gregory of Jagged Smileand is used with permission.  I love his blog and his cartoons! He continue to amaze me with what can be done with a ball point pen!

Something like "AAADD"

I have been frustrated with how many posts I have that are half finished at the moment.  I just have not had enough hours in the day to be able to sit down and give them the concentrated attention they need to get to completion. 

My big project this weekend was to get the RESOURCES page up on this blog.  Check it out by clicking the tab above.  I am pretty happy with how it turned out.  There sure is a lot of information about TBIs out on the web!!

So back to the unfinished posts and a few other projects:  This little ditty below came to mind.  My Mom sent it to me a long time ago.  On certain days, it sure fits!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D- Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of juice that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the juice aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the juice is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the juice, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the juice down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers,but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm bottle of juice sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first...

I'll check my e-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So then (just now) I went looking on the web to see if I could find the author of the above.  (If you know please post a comment!) 

I couldn't find the author but I did find this:

Q. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Wanna play with my hamster?

Whosit, Whatsit, Wheresit

Once upon a time,
Can't remember when,
Way back there,
Way back then,
Someone told me something,
Can't remember who,
Can't remember what it was
But if I ever do
I'll write it on a thingum
And put it somewhere safe--
I think the little whatsit
Would be the perfect place.
I wouldn't trust the whosit
With the thingamy because
I can't remember where it is
Or where it ever was.
My memory is excellent,
It's never failed me yet,
The only things it can't recall
Are things that I forget.

                  --Charles Wilkins

Darth Vader Does PowerPoint

A couple of weeks ago I went out on the web searching for a photo of 3CPO for the post A-peeling 3 CPO.  Since then Star Wars silliness keeps coming my way. 

My favorite so far is an old Presentation Zen post where Garr Reynolds compares the presentation styles that Darth Vader and Yoda might hypothetically choose to use.  (The PowerPoint footage probably ended up on the cutting room floor so we will never know for sure.)

I sometimes consult in presentation design and techniques so I have a soft spot for anything humorous involving PowerPoint.

And then of course, there is always Darth goes Golfing: 

Actually, there are a lot of Darth videos out there but many of them are phenomenally stupid. . . . Okay, Darth goes golfing hasn't exactly won any awards but I did find it humorous.

Punzi Scams & Investors' Dough

This cartoon is by Craig Marks. Try as I might, I could not link to him to give him due credit. He apparently writes an occasional Opinion column for the Akron News.

Rethinking Copyright vs Strangualtion of Creativity

Larry Lessig did a talk at TED in 2007 entitled How creativity is being strangled by the law.

This talk feeds right into the other post I am making today regarding Michael Wesch's great talk about how the web is taking creativity, copyright and many other things off into an unimagined direction.  Larry Lessig is also just a great presenter.  In my "other life" I do presentation and communication coaching so I find it interesting to observe.